I got into a nice yelling match with a close friend last night (who will inevitably read this, I’m sure). This is not news. We do this every couple months or so. Very healthy.

Reflecting back, it’s kind of interesting to see why I was mad at him-he had insinuated that I have loads of free time because during one of my study breaks, I had emailed him a website I thought he might enjoy. He found this suspect, because when he called me while I was “in the zone” studying, interupting my train of thought, I didn’t stay on the phone long, and excused myself to get back to work.

And then I realized how totally defined I am by my hard work. Other people are, too, I suppose, but what else do I have to show for it? No paying job, no major source of income besides hundreds of thousands of dollars of student loans. I can only impress people by my perserverance and my knowledge. So of course I was insulted; telling a medical student that he or she is not working hard enough is both a) nowhere further from the truth and b) insulting to one’s core definition (What a does a med student do? Study, study, study.)

I’d have (and have had) a similar reaction when the same friend, not coincidentally, denigrates my knowledge (or any other person). They’re usually kidding, sure, but I still take offense. If my knowledge is devalued, what else do I have to pride myself on?

I knew medical school messed people up, but this is really sad that I now define myself this way.

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