GET IT WHILE IT’S HOT, READERS! It’s been an absolutely CRAZY week across the medlogosphere–from PARIS HILTON to KEVIN MD ; from BRITNEY SPEARS to MATTHEW HOLT ! (next week’s at Polite Dissent !

ITEM! The ANONYMOUS CLERK DISCUSSES the antipsychiatry movement: is mental illness real? Should depression be a disease? Must SANDRA BULLOCK be crazy to star in Miss Congeniality 2: Armed And Fabulous ? Only time will tell!

GORILLAS, PENISES ATTACK! The drug companies have jumped the shark, SHOUTS DR. CHARLES . Monkey medicine mascots and phallic obsession on par with the WASHINGTON MONUMENT have taken Big Pharma from its research and academic roots!

NEWS FLASH: SOMETHING WILL KILL YOU! Will America’s obsession with portions the size of Texas tip our scales toward death? Let’s not sound the tornado sirens yet, WARNS DR. ANDY ! Medical progress has improved significantly in the past decade, and even our obesity is hurting us, other advances help us. Speaking of which, who’s seen KIRSTIE ALLEY’S NEW SHOW?

LEFT FOOT, GREEN! It’s not easy balancing research and clinician duties, as only ORAC KNOWS . Where do you find the balance? Your duty to your patients today, but your need to contribute to the treatments of tomorrow?

A DOCTOR’S NOTE’S TOO MUCH! We’re not truly advocating for our patients if we give them an all-access pass to worker’s comp, BLASTS DR. TONY ! “We are advocates for our children, but don’t give them everything they want, do we?” Zing! Unless they’re WEALTHY CHILD ACTORS, and they threaten their parents with court orders! Pop!

IN A THEATRE NEAR YOU! A new sure-to-be-smash-hit movie, CANCER INFECTS THEATERS THIS WEEK . A wonderful synopsis by THE CHEERFUL ONCOLOGIST. Early prevention and early screening, the two go hand in hand!

BREAKING NEWS FROM FLORIDA! There appears to be a case in Florida involving a woman named Terri Schaivo-the scoop’s been had, RANTS DB ! Some excellent summaries of points you won’t hear on cable news. FOX INTERVIEWED A PSYCHIC ABOUT SCHIAVO ; now that’s scientifically brilliant!

ITEM! If we don’t know what we’re doing wrong, how can we fix it? MEDICAL CONNECTIVITY EXAMINES throughput and efficiency in-depth; they’re doing some great work to try to squeeze every last drop of health out of healthcare! Almost like JENNIFER ANISTON trying to fit in that dress last week!

OH THE IRONY! From the “Overly Conflicted Department” comes this hypothetical from MudPhud TWO TERMS LATER : could Schaivo have been saved with stem cells? Sure, maybe not today, but supported now, could they help future Schaivos? Those same people fighting for Terri’s tube reinsertion barred stem cell research from progressing. Can’t have it both ways, Dubya!

HEALTH CARE BLASPHEMY! MATTHEW HOLT COMES TO THE RESCUE of single-payer, tearing down a shoddy Op-Ed about the health care financing scheme. While no idealist about the costs and benefits of SP, Holt takes Jeff Jacoby to task, and gets a mention by Eric Alterman!

I’M NOT LEBOWSKI, I’M THE DUDE! BIOETHICS DUDE WAXES PHILOSOPHIC and tries to understand some other bioethics viewpoints. Not an easy task. Then again, neither was teaching ASHLEY SIMPSON to lip-synch, but it can be done!

RIPPED FROM RESCUE 911! A frightening tale told by CONSERVATIVE DIALYSIS , and a very personal look at the effects of diabetes. We here at Over My Med Body are just glad you’re safe and sound, Nick; don’t scare us like that anymore!

ITEM! Fetal abortion policy thickens, just like molasses in January! RED STATE MORON has the story: should the military have to pay for an abortion of an anencephalic fetus? JUDGE JUDY rules! (But Judge Zilly actually heard the case.) We like JUDGE MARILYN MILIAN, too, although she’ll never be JUDGE WAPNER.

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY SEXUAL BODY PARTS! We’d never want to leave the women out of this one (or the men, either, we’re not here to judge), so we’re glad to report that EMERITUS HAS FOUND news of a new Japanese gum that increases breast size! I’m sure GWEN STEFANI, lover of Japanese culture and Harajuku Girls has already ordered 100 packs!

WE MUST DO BETTER! There are diagnoses we can miss without serious consequences, and ones that we can’t. KEVIN MD WRITES about the latter: a woman who died from a bacterial pneumonia, complication of influenza (the flu). The internist is now facing a malpractice suit.

DRINK AND LIVE, DRUNK AND DRIVE? MEDBLOG WINNER GRUNTDOC REPORTS on a frightening trend: we’re not catching those with the highest of blood alcohol levels. “Great. More disconnect between reality and the law.” Well said, well said!

WHEN MEDGADGETS ATTACK! US Marshalls seized Vail Beds, MUCKRAKES ENOCH CHOI . It was probably a bad 50s movie, and now it’s real. Art imitating life? Or US Marshalls 2, starring HARRISON FORD and CLINT EASTWOOD, against those diabolical beds?

WE HEART TECHNOLOGY! MEDGADGET PROMOTES a new in-the-field intubation and bronchoscopy device donated by Karl Storz Endoscopy-America, Inc. It will allow for faster access in war zones. Support our trooops!

I’m all gossipped out, and school starts tomorrow again. Signing off, your medlogossip, Graham.

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