I’ve always thought of myself as a man of contrasts (okay, more like a guy of contrasts, because man is just too serious, or formal, or something). But contrasts, anyway. I compliment myself, if that’s at all possible.

What I mean to say is that I find that I tend to have interests and fascinations with the seemingly most polar of topics: I like both theatre and science, I’m an introvert and an extrovert. I love web design, coding, and being all alone, but I also love parties, dancing, and entertaining people.

This whole concept came to light yesterday, when we went over to the Palo Alto VA for a discussion on hospice care and death and dying. I could really see myself working in such a place-helping people to end their lives with peace, comfort, and dignity. The hospice wing is quiet, solemn, and looks out onto the nice green grass and trees of the hospital complex; there are two “family rooms” available for families to stay free of charge in the last days of their loved ones’ lives; the physicians there spoke eloquently about respect, dignity, cultural differences, and honoring those that had died. It really resonated with me as a way to really help provide for people when they need it most. What could be more frightening than dying with fear and anxiety?

On the other hand, only three days ago, I was in love with the ER. It was loud, hectic, busy, with all sorts of people and all sorts of injuries and diseases and conditions. It’s crowded, people are stuffed together. The exact opposite of the quiet, solemn hospice wing.

I’ve always been pulled in different directions in life-a teacher once told me the hardest decisions you have to make are often ones that end up closing doors, not opening them. If I only liked one little area-y’know, choosing between the heart and the lungs, for example-I feel like this would be a much easier set of decisions to make. I’m blessed and cursed all at the same time. I tend to just try lots of different experiences, pick one, and know that I was meant to be there anyway. It’s a weird predeterministic worldview, with a quasi-Fate influence. But it works for me.

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