Resident: “My patient snorted 3 grams of cocaine today. That seems like a lot. Is that a lot?”
Attending: “I don’t know, it seems like a lot.”
Me: “Isn’t an 8-ball like an eighth of a gram or something? So that’s like 24 8 balls?”
Other Resident: “How much did Al Pacino snort before he killed that guy in Scarface?”
Clerk: “Oh, it was a lot, cause it was in a big pile, then he cut it into three lines.”
Resident: “You sure know a lot about Scarface.”
Clerk: “It was just on TV 2 days ago!”
Attending: “I guess it just depends on how wide your lines are.”
Me: “And how long they are.”
Resident: “So… 3 grams, is that a lot?”
Everyone: “No idea.”

An 8-ball is one eight of an ounce of cocaine, approximately 3.5 grams. This is a lot of cocaine for one person, enough to overdose on. So be careful.

So there you go. And much less than that is enough to give you a stroke or a heart attack, because cocaine causes spasm of your arteries and cuts off blood supply, so not only be careful, don’t use it.

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Dearest Mayor Newsom , could you please remove the crazy pills from the water?

The ED was like I’ve never seen it last night, just busy to the brim. And on the drive home, 7, yes, SEVEN people ran across the street in front of my car. They were just *asking* to get a PVA.

And to my patient who the deputies dropped charges on and you pulled out your IV and left, after I did all this work-up AND made the diagnosis of hyperthyroidism based on history alone, with a very low TSH and a very high free T4, you really should have stayed to at least get your diagnosis. I was proud of making it, and you’d probably feel better sooner rather than later if you had gotten hooked up with an outpatient provider. Sorry dear.

Random ED terminology I’ve made up (feel free to add your own):

Laction: The act of suturing/stapling/closing a laceration. “Man, I’ve had a lot of laction today.”
Awheezile: Like afebrile, but for wheezing. “Yeah, this patient with asthma was wheezing really bad, but after a neb, he’s awheezile.”

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May I plleeeease sit at the cool kids table at the ER now? I have conquered the MTFers, withstood the trials of the Neuro Lecture, and even ass-kissed preemptively .

Also, my scrubs do not taper.

Maraka and I’m a Dude ; we will *totally* go to a Bootie Mashup Party .

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The season finale of Lost was amazing, but could we get some wound eversion for Jack’s laceration repair, TV ER doctor? Hell, that little thing could be dermabonded. And while we’re at it, you might not want to use absorbable, practically transparent suture since those need to come out in 3 days to prevent scarring. Snark off.

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Shadowed/eavesdropped on calls today at the California Poison Control Center , which was pretty cool. The center here in SF shares the duties with 3 other centers in the state, operating the 24 hour, toll-free number to answer pretty much any question and either make sure people get the right treatment or some needed reassurance. Each state has its own poison control center and the people are incredibly helpful, knowledgeable and friendly–definitely call if you have any questions.

My one experience with it involved my mother making some sort of pasta or tuna salad, while also getting out some hydrocortisone cream for a rash or something, with a tiny bit of the steroid cream ending up in the bowl. Don’t ask me how this happened. I just remember my brother and I freaking out and SCREAMING for her to throw out the entire bowl of food, not wanting our mother to die. She called poison control and they said it would be fine (she’s a nurse so she knew this anyway) but I think we put up such a fit she tossed it anyway. (Or at least she told us she did.) So everyone does silly things, and children eat everything. No matter how silly, it’s no reason not to call. The call centers have heard everything.

• Dad: Hi, my child just ate some Play-Doh.
  Pharmacist: How much?
  Dad: Like half a can.
  Pharmacist: Okay, he or she should be fine–
  Dad: Oh, wait, nevermind, he just had it in his hand.
• Caller: I know this is a line for humans, but my puppy just ate some pills.
  Pharmacist: Okay, well, I’d recommend calling your vet. There is a Poison Control Number for Animals, but they charge $55 per call.
• Caller: I made some chicken chili last night, and left it out last night. Can I eat it?

Most calls dealt with toddlers eating pills. One “licked the coating off a bunch of Advil and Tylenol.” One important point: Tylenol is actually incredibly dangerous in overdoses–which is hard to do unintentionally in adults–but isn’t so difficult for small children, since overdoses are generally based on weight. Tylenol in overdose has been bad enough to cause patients to go into liver failure and require a liver transplant. Keep pills out of the reach of kids!

Oh, interesting fact: Those little freshness packets in shoe boxes that say “don’t ingest?” They’re just silica, and non-toxic. It’s like eating sand, apparently. (This is not medical advice!) Update from the comments:: Silica gel, the desiccant in “freshness packets,” isn’t always harmless. Sometimes it’s packaged with a moisture indicator and some of those are quite toxic.

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I’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy to relax in my few hours of freedom per day, and I must say, nurses totally get the shaft on the show. Addison is always rooming patients in the ER, checking vitals, and hanging fluids, as if the physicians on the show are these solo practitioners who can do everything for everyone (surgical interns staffing a free clinic, ha!)

ER nurses can laugh with the best of them, and are incredibly fun to work with when the patients are stable. They’re even more amazing to watch when patients go bad. One patient went from looking mildly uncomfortable to coding (needing CPR) in the span of about 3 or 4 minutes, and just like a switch was flipped on, the nurses swooped in and knew exactly what to do. Two secured IVs, another started documenting, and a fourth was pulling meds. I’ve seen the phenomenon a number of times now, and it’s really, really impressive. The teamwork is fantastic. One of the reasons I love the ER.

I remember a patient once asking a Peds nurse why he went into nursing. His reply: “I wanted to help patients. Doctors diagnose patients, but it’s the nurses that actually treat them.”

My hat is off!

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4 hour “orientation” shift today.

Already learned how to put someone in restraints and tie them down, saw a patient from the county jail, and re-did an IV on an altered patient who had already ripped it out twice. I was also told to “fight for a suture room and grab it before someone else does.” Grabbed my patient, maneuvered her bed around the drunk man who had urinated in his bed and the onto the floor.

This month is going to be awesome. And crazy.

Possible theme for the month, advice given to me by an attending today: “Better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” (Did I mention I can write my own orders?)

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Manch Medic’s post reminds me to ask: Any tips from EMers on transitioning to a week of night shifts? I’m incredibly excited to dive back into clinics with another ER month next week, beginning with a week of 10pm-6am shifts. Sleeping suggestions, napping suggestions, caffeine suggestions? Thanks in advance.

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Clutch quote from an OB resident 3 weeks ago that’s still been bothering me, in reference to a patient with metastatic cancer who was in pain and needed a CT scan but was refusing contrast:

“I am so sick of these patients. Just suck it up already and deal with it. God.”

If you’re ever working with me, and I ever say anything as remotely cruel and disgusting as that about a patient, especially one with metastatic cancer all over the place, please, please, sock me in the gut, or slap me, or something. There’s ranting, and there’s bitching, and then there’s just plain inability to have any sort of compassion or caring for your patients.

I feel guilty that I didn’t speak up and put the resident in her place. Granted it was 3 residents versus one med student, but I wish I would take the right path rather than the easy one a little more often. Sigh.

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Have you ever read a comment someone posted on your blog, and then they double-dipped and turned it into a post on their blog, so you decide to triple-dip and post their comment from their blog from your blog back onto your blog?

I didn’t think so.

I’ve been meaning to follow-up on last week’s GOMER post , and Nick is just the inspiration .

I was intending to be snarky with my “Get Out of My ER” title, as I am far from the jaded, paternalistic assholery that would say such a thing. I got lots of great responses, everything from the short and sweet to the longer explanation to the scolding for ignoring a possible influenza to the “don’t do that you’ll just make trouble for yourself.”

I think Nick’s wins , or is at least the closest to what I try to do. I believe as ER professionals we’re not only supposed to evaluate, treat and determine dispo, but we’re also supposed to educate–all physicians are. We know the most about the human body out of the entire society, and it’s our job to not only provide education about the body, but also about normal and healthy.

This mostly happens seeing pediatric patients, and often it seems that the pediatric ER visits are frustrating for all parties involved: docs, nurses, staff, parents, and the kids themselves. Kids are, in general, healthy and resilient. And most pediatric ER visits that I’ve seen are in general, healthy.

These kids are fine. They have a cold, or a GI bug. They are eating well, peeing and pooping fine, they’re active and well-hydrated. Their vitals are all stable. Sometimes they have a fever.

These are kids that will, in general, do fine at home, or at the very most, need a sick child appointment at the pediatrician. It’s not an emergency. It’s not life-threatening.

Have things changed? Has it always been like this? If not, where’s this coming from?

The medicalization of childhood , where everyone is freaked out their kid has some killer nasty terrible disease?

Or how about the breakup of the extended family unit? When you don’t have grandparents around or aunts or uncles or friends with older children who can re-assure a parent, maybe they’ll take them to the ER more often?

Or lack of access to pediatricians? And maybe lack of health insurance? More and more patients tell me that the advice nurse in the pediatrician’s office told the parent with the kid with a cold and a 101 fever to go to the ER, since the pediatrician was booked solid for the day.

The “I want it now” culture? An inability to just let a child be sick for a week or 10 days? An inability to be patient?

Cultural norms? I read somewhere that seeing a doctor in Latin and South America generally means spending hours in a waiting room, so it’s perfectly normal to just go to the closest, most accessible doctor instead of calling one’s pediatrician to schedule an appointment.

Lack of education about what are normal things for a sick kid to do, and what are abnormal ones? Maybe it’s just that the population has grown, and we haven’t kept up to provide the resources to educate them all?

Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t be more efficient to have the triage nurse take a kid’s vitals, and watch the kid in the waiting room, and if he or she looks fine, suggest heading to the local clinic–the wait is probably shorter, anyway.

(All of this is spoken from a non-parent of course.)

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